As I witness a love die..
I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be put in that position where I was kicked down by the one person I loved & put on a pedestal. I remembered how easy it is for others to just walk out and give up on you even when you secretly want them to fight.. Where did the love go?! This is not just about me but about my friends & family.. I’m trapped in a world of chaotic uncertainty.. I know what I want and where I want to end up but it feels so impossible now.. Especially when my only support system needs me more than ever. I have no choice but to be the anchor now.. But it’ll be worth it.. I know it will. I’d rather be needed & wanted than forgotten.
“Everything is gray under these skies
Hiding every cloud under a smile
When there’s cameras
And I just can’t reach out to tell you
That I always wonder what you’re up to
Pictures I’m living through for now
Trying to remember all the good times
Our life was cutting through so loud
Memories are playing in my dull mind
I hate this part paper hearts
And I’ll hold a piece of yours
Don’t think I would just forget about it
Hoping that you won’t forget
I live through pictures as if I was right there by your side
But you’ll be good without me and if I could just give it some time
I’ll be alright..”
I haven’t laughed and cried simultaneously in a long time until recently.. Been around great, positive vibes.. & I dig it! 👌
"If you’re ever going to cry, cry because you’re happy… Because you laughed so hard your eyes filled with love and joy." ❤️
I remember those many late nights we would stay up and talk for hours. You’d tell me things that you probably have never told anyone before. It was to the point where we knew each other so well, it was as if we knew each other since the beginning. I was starting to feel better about myself because all my life my family would just use me as a mediator.. But were never there for me. Then, you come along. I couldn’t grasp the concept that someone like you would ever be interested in getting to know a girl like me. I was used to the many people just coming and going as they please.. Basically only running to me when they needed something from me. You were so different. Not once did you try to take advantage of me materialistically, emotionally, or physically. Maybe that is why I hold onto these invisible strings. One look in your eyes, and all of those memories come rushing back.. The moment I met you, the moments I got to know you inside and out. You will always remain here in my heart for that. Thank you for showing me a new side of me I never knew.
"Time spent appreciating is time worth living."
Just a quick reminder to myself & everyone out there who hasn’t stopped to look around. Life is beautiful.. Life is crazy and hectic.. But it is also a blessing.. We were created with purpose.. Find that purpose.. Support & love one another.. See the big picture & draw it.. You #life.. ❤️ love, #ann0nymous
Ps, I tagged my family/fam to let y’all know I appreciate & love y’all very much despite the distance & lack of quality time.. Until we cross paths again, know you are loved & thought of everyday! 😘❤️😊
"I love that I am different! I love that I am not typical. I love that I am unique. What do you love about yourself? :)"
One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Sober mind, broken heart.. I reached beside me.. There he was.. Perfect. His eyes resting.. I could hear him breathing.. Suddenly, everything shut off. I realized no one could measure up to him.. No one and no thing.. Just simply nothing. How do I fix this?! How do I fix myself..?! You can’t break what’s already broken.. & to fix anything that’s broken, would never be the same.. We all know that.. Stupid.
Let’s face it. Those who’ve known me for quite some time know how much I take things to heart. I’m observant and extra careful.. Maybe too careful and testy but that’s just how I’ve grown up to be.. Imagine if you lived in my shoes.. I bet you wouldn’t even know how to handle it. We all know people change; and I’ve learned about myself recently. It’s the simple fact that I let my emotions control me. Mainly my past.. Then, I realized I shouldn’t get things all twisted up like this. I am better than that. Friends come and go, the only family I have left are scattered and distant.. & the man I love has been here all along.. How could I be so blinded by my desires and not see where my happiness lies? I break down and mourn all my past losses but always forget just how amazing life could be if I just embraced everything including what I’m most insecure about.. My weight and looks. I am me.. Wasn’t asked to be born but there is a reason I was put on this earth.. I may have lost sight for a couple of years, but I am back. I vow that for the rest of my life, I will do better and love more.. I will take care of those in need.. The deserving.. & share whatever I have.. Every year, I will make some contribution to this world.. Volunteer or donate.. Give back all that I’ve ever received over the years.. All that matters to me now is happiness and everyone else’s happiness.. I will not claim or put titles to anyone’s name unless they have truly been there from the beginning.. My biggest fault of all is trusting and loving so easily.. Well, this is the end. This is a new beginning. I am an adult now.. I’m not getting any younger.. & this is my way of taking control of my life. Take it or leave it all behind.. I don’t care what you think.