Hello, hola, hi! I haven’t really updated you guys on what’s been going on with me lately. My main focus right now, as I’ve been mentioning all over the place on social networks, is to really reassess what and who are important in my life.. As you all should when you get older. Life is too short to just not have direction. How could you move forward with no direction, right?! I’ve been really trying to figure out how to balance my life and thoughts to where I could actually be happy. It’s all mindset, I know. It’s just so hard for me to let go or to forget things that just once meant so much to me. I don’t like to throw sentimental things or people away.. Now, if only they would’ve done the same for me. Well, it is what it is and I know I can’t control it. I know I shouldn’t poor out my thoughts on sites like these, but sometimes putting my words out there through text is my favorite way of expressing myself. Who knows where this post would end up and whose eyes would fall upon these words. I wish I could meet some of you who actually read these posts of mine lol. But ok, on with my blabber.. I really miss my family.. How things used to be and before life be and so corrupted and messed up. It was better not knowing everything or being a piece of the broken puzzle.. I’ve grown close to a new mentor in my life.. Well actually, two women. One whom I could literally call my mother and the other is a mother to all.. I wish I had them in my life sooner.. Maybe I wouldn’t have this huge void to fill. I’m 25 and still on a mission to find closure with everyone who walked out on me.. But why?! What is the point anymore?! Why not just move one?! Well, it’s not that simple.. & this is why I’m being extra careful with who I spend my time with.. Who I get to know. I do not want to be thrown out and forgotten again. In other news, I’m doing really well with work and my health is getting back on track! I’m gaining some weight and eating more than I used to. I have a lot of support from the women in my life, my siblings, and from Tho.. It’s giving me lots of hope and joy.. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and feel okay.. To look okay.. You know?! Well, it’s time to put this little blog to rest! Ill catch up with you guys again later!! Much love, ann0nymous
In the midst of all the chaos, heart aches, and getting back up from being pushed.. I looked to you.. Thought I’d always be caged and broken.. But you saved me. One in a billion, you are….
"Have any of u guys ever grew to love someone to only have them break u apart..?! I watched as our friendship faded and we became strangers.. But I never stopped caring or loving you.. I feel like a fool.."
— ann0nymous
"There are people in this world who complain more than actually care about anything or anyone. How do they end up being loved and cared for when there are others more deserving? Sufferers with no families, homes, education, jobs… But would give up anything to be in a loving home with food on the table? They say that nice guys/girls finish last. I would think so due to today’s modern day society.. Its a fucking shame. I pray that we do not fail to see the deserving.. The positive.. The humbling and admirable.. Selfless > Selfish.. Let’s not forget why we live and love.. To make a difference."
— ann0nymous
Some things just change unknowingly.. Unwillingly. & in the end, it’s how you hold up. I am scared and full of anxiety.. I am strong, yet weak. I hate opening up to people, but there’s some I just want to share my world with.. Because that’s just how much they mean to me. I learned to let go of the unnecessary and brought in positivity.. Found love from people who truly love…. me. Is it possible?! I have loved and lost way too many to do this to myself again.. Take it one day at a time.. Stitch by stitch.. As my heart heals.. For the first time, ever. This is the cycle that never breaks.. History repeats itself.. But only in a manner you have created it to be. To say you love is one thing.. But to truly give your love..?! I’ve made my fair share of mistakes.. But when I tell someone I love them.. I mean it. & the stupid and irresponsible thing about that is.. I say it to a lot of people who don’t truly love like that.. No more expectations.. Time to live a little.. Forget a little.. Love a little less. Sorry for my rambling.. I know I hardly ever make much sense! But this has just been stuck in my head all day.. When will I finally give up?!?! I NEED TO.
It can break into an infinite amount of pieces.. Almost impossible to put back together, unless you were able to find replacement parts or something that just fits. A part that makes it whole again. As for the scratches and scars? Some will heal and some will remain.. Only with time.
"Each day, she discovers something new.. Not just from her surroundings, but from within her as well. Just as anybody who has ever lived, then died.. She has felt true love, true sadness, true happiness, true heartache, true anger.. But never hate.. No. You see, the way she lives is with the love she has for other people.. Even if they’ve given up on her. A woman going on twenty-five years, still discovering but hasn’t forgotten what has ever been given or taken away from her.. A woman who once feared everything, no longer fears the worse. She is.. Just that.. A woman who holds onto every loving word received by her enemies or loved ones.. A fool who believes in chances.."
