One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Sober mind, broken heart.. I reached beside me.. There he was.. Perfect. His eyes resting.. I could hear him breathing.. Suddenly, everything shut off. I realized no one could measure up to him.. No one and no thing.. Just simply nothing. How do I fix this?! How do I fix myself..?! You can’t break what’s already broken.. & to fix anything that’s broken, would never be the same.. We all know that.. Stupid.
Let’s face it. Those who’ve known me for quite some time know how much I take things to heart. I’m observant and extra careful.. Maybe too careful and testy but that’s just how I’ve grown up to be.. Imagine if you lived in my shoes.. I bet you wouldn’t even know how to handle it. We all know people change; and I’ve learned about myself recently. It’s the simple fact that I let my emotions control me. Mainly my past.. Then, I realized I shouldn’t get things all twisted up like this. I am better than that. Friends come and go, the only family I have left are scattered and distant.. & the man I love has been here all along.. How could I be so blinded by my desires and not see where my happiness lies? I break down and mourn all my past losses but always forget just how amazing life could be if I just embraced everything including what I’m most insecure about.. My weight and looks. I am me.. Wasn’t asked to be born but there is a reason I was put on this earth.. I may have lost sight for a couple of years, but I am back. I vow that for the rest of my life, I will do better and love more.. I will take care of those in need.. The deserving.. & share whatever I have.. Every year, I will make some contribution to this world.. Volunteer or donate.. Give back all that I’ve ever received over the years.. All that matters to me now is happiness and everyone else’s happiness.. I will not claim or put titles to anyone’s name unless they have truly been there from the beginning.. My biggest fault of all is trusting and loving so easily.. Well, this is the end. This is a new beginning. I am an adult now.. I’m not getting any younger.. & this is my way of taking control of my life. Take it or leave it all behind.. I don’t care what you think.
"Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him."
"You are everything even if you feel like nothing. Remember that when you are alone, that there is someone waiting for you.. To see you, feel you, teach you, comfort you.. To hear your laughter. Don’t think for a second that you have no purpose in life. Go on. Grow, learn, breathe, soak in every bit of knowledge and happiness."