Good evening tumblr-ers! :)
So many things have been going on lately. So, I thought I’d share where my mind has been lol! I have been dealing with some stress as usual.. What’s new? It’s not the kind of stress where you think your life is over, though. Haha. I’m just so overwhelmed that sometimes it feels like I’m dealing with it all on my own.. Which is by far, not the case. I don’t know. I feel like my mentality has shifted a lot. I always, always write about how I need and want to let things go yadda yadda.. Then realized, I have kept a lot of things around that remind of that pain. I decided to rip up pages from my sleep journal, made a new tumblr blog, deleted text messages/contacts from my phone, threw/gave away a lot of my personal belongings.. Just basically starting new. I feel liberated and unchained again.
I used to be the girl that was easy to be around then my past mistakes overshadowed every good thing about me. A lot of it had to do with the scenes and people I decided to associate myself with. It made my insecurities grow and turn me into the girl who worries what society thinks. I don’t know why or how or what was the point of letting that get to me. I became like every other girl who stood in front of a mirror hating themselves. I’ve learned so much from it, though. I want to say I regret it all; but a part of me appreciates it. How can you learn and be humbled without a bit of pain and suffering, right?
I feel like these things I do are subconscious: I take things quite heavily. I am overly sensitive, sometimes. I push away and hurt people who are closest to me. I relive my past because my mind and heart are used to the pain. It’s like I can’t accept change. Ridiculous, huh? I know, I know. It really is. Haha. That’s life. There is reason and purpose for all that happens. I believe that without a doubt.
I’m still learning and growing. My heart has grown much stronger. It’s like as many times I’ve been pushed down, I don’t want to give up. I can thank my stubbornness for that! LOL But I’m so grateful and blessed to be able to have experienced what I have and in the fashion that I did. I think I’m actually accepting the facts and living with it. Relief.. A couple of things, though! No more being too nice and no more taking everything to heart. I have learned my lesson! Alright, time for bed. The End!