3.7.2013

Hello, hola, hi! I haven’t really updated you guys on what’s been going on with me lately. My main focus right now, as I’ve been mentioning all over the place on social networks, is to really reassess what and who are important in my life.. As you all should when you get older. Life is too short to just not have direction. How could you move forward with no direction, right?! I’ve been really trying to figure out how to balance my life and thoughts to where I could actually be happy. It’s all mindset, I know. It’s just so hard for me to let go or to forget things that just once meant so much to me. I don’t like to throw sentimental things or people away.. Now, if only they would’ve done the same for me. Well, it is what it is and I know I can’t control it. I know I shouldn’t poor out my thoughts on sites like these, but sometimes putting my words out there through text is my favorite way of expressing myself. Who knows where this post would end up and whose eyes would fall upon these words. I wish I could meet some of you who actually read these posts of mine lol. But ok, on with my blabber.. I really miss my family.. How things used to be and before life be and so corrupted and messed up. It was better not knowing everything or being a piece of the broken puzzle.. I’ve grown close to a new mentor in my life.. Well actually, two women. One whom I could literally call my mother and the other is a mother to all.. I wish I had them in my life sooner.. Maybe I wouldn’t have this huge void to fill. I’m 25 and still on a mission to find closure with everyone who walked out on me.. But why?! What is the point anymore?! Why not just move one?! Well, it’s not that simple.. & this is why I’m being extra careful with who I spend my time with.. Who I get to know. I do not want to be thrown out and forgotten again. In other news, I’m doing really well with work and my health is getting back on track! I’m gaining some weight and eating more than I used to. I have a lot of support from the women in my life, my siblings, and from Tho.. It’s giving me lots of hope and joy.. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and feel okay.. To look okay.. You know?! Well, it’s time to put this little blog to rest! Ill catch up with you guys again later!! Much love, ann0nymous

I woke up from a nightmare.. One which terrifies me to death. The strangest part, is when I actually woke up, my body was tense and somewhat contorted.. Is this the source of my body aches and pains.. And restlessness?! I need to figure out where some of the negative energies are coming from and just let it all go.. I hate when I start feeling so certain about things but they just turn into disappointments. I’d rather put my wall back up so I can’t get hurt again. I mean.. There was a reason I put it up in the first place.. What if these unsaid feelings are causing these intense nightmares..? Sigh.. Damn my subconscious state of mind.